Dear Big Bang Theory fans, it was WAY better than I imagined.
Hello, struggling record industry. It’s me. You’re welcome.
Dear Justin Bieber, Merry Christmas and all the best, but there’s only One Direction I’m heading in the New Year.
-Yours (once), Selena.
Dear kids in the greater Boston area, when someone tells you ‘cheaters never prosper’…remind them who won the Superbowl this year.
-Signed, Tom Brady.
Dear J.J. Abrams, DON’T MESS THIS UP.
Dear Muppets, don’t ever leave us again. Like, ever. Happy Holidays!
Dear Marcus, can Winston please have his banjo back? Merry Christmas.
-The rest of Mumford & Sons
Dear America, or how ever many of you are still paying attention to me. Merry Christmas! Unless you don’t support me for president in 2016. Then we’re kicking you out (or building a wall to keep you out).
Dear world. There is no Christmas this year. I am bigger than Christmas. Here’s a Kanye Cane and we all say Merry West-mas to you.
Dear fans. I’m sorry. I can’t express how sorry I am. I don’t know what for, but my agent and marketing team said if I look really sad, write songs about being sorry, you’ll give me another chance. I’m so sorry.
Dear Mr. Harper, hope things are going well with your new job. I meant to send one of our family’s famous Christmas chocolate buches, but…it’s just not ready yet.
-Sincerely, Justin Trudeau